Double-You Tee Eff, Ashlee Simpson. What’s With Your Album Cover?
21 April 2008, 10:30 AM. By Daniel Mauser
Ashlee. Ashlee, Ashlee, Asshlyeee. We had such a crush on you in your dark hair days, before the reality show and the boys falling out and the teeny little plastic nose. You seemed so fun and silly! Singing your fun, silly songs and dancing your fun, silly jig on SNL when it was discovered that, actually, you weren’t singing your fun, silly songs and you were really just kind of a cute, goofy girl with no real discernible talent. Which was fine by us! Less fine, though, was your later bleach-blonde and itsy bitsy nose look, as well as what seemed like something of a rapid weight loss. We were worried about you! But we still rooted for you, inwardly, even as we pretended not to know who you were in front of other people.
But, Ash, dollface. This album cover? Are you serious? We’re willing to ignore the fact that you could probably, um, hear through those headphones a little better if they were placed under your hair and hoodie, but. That… ree-ree face? Ashlee, come on. Really? It’s gotten to the point where we can’t even kind of pretend to like you ironically anymore.
Baby. It’s over between us. Sorry.
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Seriously. I own the first two albums–I bought the first album enthusiastically and unashamedly; The second album was a Christmas gift, but I might’ve bought it for myself. This album? I have zero interest in. I didn’t even illegally download the first single, that’s how much I don’t like her “personality/persona” anymore. I think it’s Pete Wentz. Neither make particularly good music. Separate, I can like them specifically for their lack of talent (to make me feel better about myself). Together, though, I feel like they think they’re actually rock gods. I feel sorry for their poseur spawn.
I haven’t paid attention to Ashlee since “Autobiography” (best CD EVAAAARRR!!!!). But yeah, she got annoying. More Jessica-like, when here whole appeal was that she was the Punk-Rawk Anti-Jessica.
Speaking of that, does Jess have a career anymore? Last I hear Paris Hilton called her fat…