Feature: From Taco Twats To Piñata Pussies–Latina Women As Seen Through The White, Straight Pornographic Gaze

As part of our continuing look at the online currency of the word Latina, Guanabee contributing editor Gabriel Caro dives deep into the muff of the online porn industry to uncover the myriad ways the mainstream adult industry packages the Latina–uh–package.

For those of you Latinas who don’t know what your non-Latino brothers are thinking when you walk into a bar, you can learn a thing of two from porn sites. For example, when you hear the word “Latina” do you think of brown beauties squeezing juicy mangoes in the soft island breeze? Me either! But pornographic sites, which tend to be an excellent barometer of what people think but dare not speak, offer us a telling glimpse into how Latinas are viewed, commodified, and ultimately objectified in America. (A quick and NSFW Google Image search for the word Latina should give you an idea of what I’m talking about.)

It seems that to a large, non-Latino segment of the population, the word Latina is nothing but an abstract and reductive erotic label. On porn sites, the catchall keyword “Latina” is used to categorize ladies who are commonly denominated as being from that magical place called “south of the border,” who speak a “foreign” language (presumably Spanish), and who are “darker” than others, whether in their complexion or in their most secret desires. I found a site that organizes pornographic destinations based on categories such as “Gang Bangs”, “Big Tits”, “Cheerleader”, “Facial Cum”, “Hairy”, etc. Among the fetishes listed is the category of “Latina,” which is helpfully prefaced by one of the best pieces of Latino literature this side of Junot Diaz:

Looking for spicy flavor down south of the border? Then sit tall while perusing some sizzling Latina Porn. You’ll want to pull your thick, meaty burrito off fast to keep it from getting scorched by these hot tamales with their piquant pink tacos so tasty they make hot chili peppers taste flatter than once fried beans [...] These Latin seductresses start dancing the flamenco topless waving sweet latin booty right in your face. You gently grab one of them fondling her maracas while fingering a fleshy castanet making her libido go up-tempo.

If that’s not magic realism, I don’t know what is. Also, is anybody else hungry for Mexican food? Mmmmm. Anyway, I’ve broken down my “favorite” Latina porn sites and singled them out for their contribution to the greater cultural understanding of Latinas. All tongue in labia, of course:

Porn Site: Lil’ Latinas - Tasty Latina Teens
Summary: “Teens”. Riiiight. The only teenager you’ll see on this site is your high-school neighbor spanking the monkey to creatively named models like “Kathleen Kruz” and “Chiquita Lopez”
Creative Ad Copy Award: “Just one look at sweet Kats [sic] smile and you know your [sic] in for a dirty treat. She has the tightest taco and we give her the extra sauce.”
Lesson Learned: Who said that pedophilia and jungle fever can’t coexist? Also, it’s never too early to objectify and fetishize Latina women. And that includes your little sister. Ewww.

Porn Site: Latina Abuse - Latinas Gettin’ Banged Up By White Boys
Summary: Rough and exploitative, like a bad Robert Rodriguez movie. But with a better plot.
Creative Ad Copy Award: “Mela: This puta just loves hard gringo cock down her fast talkin’ puta mouth. If she’s not swinging at piñata’s all day she’s got a cock in her mouth. She got force fed some gringo chalupa’s until she made the carpet smell like a clutsy waitress from Chili’s. She took gringo grease to the face like she was supposed to and sat there like an estupido puta!”
Lesson Learned: Latinas are all submissive and really into beauty products. And by beauty products I mean cum facials. Guffaw!

Porn Site: Latin Adultery
Summary: According to their site: “Latin Adultery is the place to go see hot latin wives who like to indulge themselves with the pleasures of young men while their husbands are away.”
Creative Ad Copy Award: “Mariah Milano is a nympho on a mission. She fucks every cock she sees, even her sex therapist she’s seeing to get help for her adDICKtion. Cock is all she thinks about. She gets wet wherever she stands. She’s not happy unless a cock is in her throat and pussy, so it’s Dr. Bauer’s lucky day.”
Lesson Learned: A very timely site, considering our governors have made adultery totally hot right now. And I welcome a site that finally dispels the myth that Latinas are completely family-oriented. Cock-oriented is more like it. Also, cock is all I think about. I wonder what the gay shrink has to say about that…

Porn Site: Pussy Piñata
Summary: Colorful and festive, Pussy Piñata invites you to “Hit that shit”. The banner also includes maracas, because, you know, that’s “Latin”.
Creative Ad Copy Award: “Lupita - She really loves to choke the chalupa! Check out Lupita, a tiny little mexican girl taking the biggest cock she had ever seen in her life. Lupita had NO CLUE what we were doing with the camera as she had probably never even seen one of those!”
Lesson Learned: Vaginas, and by extension the women attached to them, are like piñatas: OK to hit. Also, Mexican girls have never seen a camera, in spite of having a film industry at least as old as Hollywood.

Porn Site: El Porno Latino
Summary: Two enterprising fugly dudes aiming their cameras at your chocha. Or as their site says: “It all started with us getting a few naked cuties on camera and when we showed the vids to our rich friend Juan he was awed by these amateur Latina teens. He bought us an HD cam and invited us to continue the shootings in his luxurious crib.”
Creative Ad Copy Award:

Um, what?
Lesson Learned: You don’t need talent, good looks, or even a spell checker to make money online sexploiting the ladiez. Also, Juan’s crib looks awfully familiar. Dad?

Porn Site: Mexxxi-cunts
Summary: Supposed purveyors of the “world’s hottest collection of Mexican babes”.
Creative Ad Copy Award: The name of the web site deserves a mention, but also: “If women weren’t meant to be eaten out, why are their pussies shaped like tacos?” Why indeed.
Lesson Learned: Wearing a sombrero automatically makes you a “Mexican”, even if you’re a white gringa.

Porn Site: My Naughty Latin Maid
Summary: “They’ll clean your house and polish your pole”
Creative Ad Copy Award: “Dulce - Dulce means ’sweet’ in Spanish - and wouldn’t it be real sweet if Dulce took it in the deuce?!? Por supuesto, cabroncetes! You bet it would be sweet and who better to have on your side to work that into the bargain than the one, the only. Matt Bixel. Talk about a massive chile pumping in and out of a nice Latin culo!?!”
Lesson Learned: Not surprisingly, this is not the only web site that caters to the Latina/Housemaid erotic fantasy intersection. Which is only natural, considering that every housecleaning job in this country is done by Latinas. Hot, wet, horny Latinas.

Porn Site: Border Bangers - Totally Exclusive Illegal Latinas Getting Banged Or Deported Or Both!
Summary: A Tancredo Fan’s dream come true! A site that let’s you: “Watch these desperite [sic] brown whores do whatever they can to stay in the U.S.”
Creative Ad Copy Award: “She is a nanny working here illegally. She couldn’t supply her papers, so whe [sic] had the option to either “go down” to the police station or “get down” with one of our talented border bangers. She went for the last one and fucked her way into the U.S. What a good immigrant.”
Lesson Learned: Who didn’t already know this? The only surefire way to make it in this country is to fuck your way in. Hey, it worked for the Irish.

Porn Site: Spicy Latina Whores - “Outrageous firey exotic latina sluts action”
Summary: Adding hot peppers to a Latina makes her a “spicy whore.” Which is interesting, because adding hot peppers to this Latino makes me an explosive diarrhea geyser. But whatevs.
Creative Ad Copy Award: “This whore got caught trying to run for the border. We gave her two options. #1 we deport her ass back to her Columbian drug dealer/pimp. Or #2, she takes a big ‘ol cock right up her asshole! That flower got busted open like a bag of doritos!”
Lesson Learned: Colombia and the US share a border. [Ed. Note: Also, Doritos are Latin?]

Who says porn is worthless? There are more lessons embedded in these websites than in your silly GED prep book. (Also, what’s up with the endless food/chocha analogies? You certainly don’t hear a lot of General Tso talk on Asian porn sites.) Latina-themed porn sites, as lovingly filled with typos as they are, are virtual piñatas of knowledge, ready to spill forth sweet stereotypes as you scramble to scoop them up like a salivating child. What other lessons can we learn from them that your liberal arts degree didn’t teach you? Don’t sit there like an estupido puta. Break it down for me in the comments section.