Feminist Icon Heidi Montag’s Line Of Hooker Clothes Looks / Is Cheap

The Fug Girls continue to be awesome by trying on, and then reviewing, clothing from Heidi Montag, this generation Susan B. Anthony’s, line of clothing for suburban tween prostitutes. Et voila. They’ve given us the most (only) entertaining story we’ve ever encountered relating to The Hills:

Heidi Montag has her talents — creating drama on The Hills without appearing to read laboriously from cue cards (ahem, Audrina), making us all wonder why she’s still dating villainous Spencer when even his sister seems to dislike him — but design (or even getting dressed, for that matter) has never been among them. Hence our fascination with this week’s launch of her creatively titled Heidiwood line for Anchor Blue.

Giggle!

Only two of the twelve items have sleeves, and just one — a pair of jeans — extends past mid-thigh. In fact, only one other thing extends past the upper thigh: a dress that would have been mildly acceptable had it not been made from the kind of cotton you usually only see on Target’s discount panties. At one point, we faced each other: One of us wore black short-shorts with a one-inch inseam (half a thumb, for real) and a zebra-striped tank with a faux-chiffon back bow; the other, a white-denim, butt-cleavage-baring skirt with a backless teal top that’s baggy in the bust and tight at the gut — perfect if you haven’t eaten pasta in ten years and have ginormous implants (sound familiar?). The stuff was the complete opposite of flattering. We looked like rejects from Rock of Love II with Bret Michaels; stick us on the hood of a car and Whitesnake would’ve appeared, guitars in hand.

Cute! Add a pair of clunky Steve Madden platform loafers and you have the exact outfit we wore to our first Junior High dance.

Test-drive: We Actually Try On Heidi Montag’s Heidiwood [NY Mag]