Javier Bardem Let Go From Francis Ford Coppola Movie For Not Having Vagina

Director Francis Ford Coppola has replaced Javier Bardem with a more vagina’d actor because he felt a certain scene in his upcoming film, Tetro, would work better with performers of the opposite sex:

Coppola said his rewrite of the pivotal role came during rehearsals for the film’s 11-week shoot, which began March 31 in Buenos Aires.

“One of the important roles in the script is a mentor and teacher to Tetro (Vincent Gallo), and I originally wrote it for a man,” he said. “As I read and reread (the script), I felt that the interaction between the two characters would be far more intriguing if they were of the opposite sex.”

Vincent Gallo is the personification of a skidmark. That is to say, sexy in a way only people who spend a lot of time on the internet can truly appreciate. Anyhoo! Bardem will be replaced by lovely and taltented Spanish actress Carmen Maura, who has a vagina.

Carmen Maura to replace Javier Bardem in ‘Tetro’ [Hollywood Reporter]