Jennifer Lopez Is Exercising Like A Maniac, Maniac

Jennifer Lopez has reportedly been waking up at 4 a.m. in order to exercise away the hideous baby weight she gained after carrying two completely natural womb trolls:

A source told Britain’s Closer magazine, “Jennifer has always been a workaholic and she has applied the same attitude to her post-pregnancy regimen. Because raising twins is so demanding, she gets up at 4 a.m. to fit it all in.

Yes, raising twins is very demanding. Jennifer Lopez, however, would not know a gosh darn thing about it. Blockhead can barely raise a sweat.

“She spent the last month of her pregnancy planning her regimen with a team of nutritionists and personal trainers. She calls them her ‘120 pound team’ in reference to her target weight. She is working out for three hours a day, seven days a week.”

Lopez, married to singer Marc Anthony, is also believed to have cut all carbohydrates from her diet and is surviving on 1,400 calories a day. She is eating a high-protein diet of steamed fish or chicken and fresh vegetables.

Coincidence! We’re on a high-protein diet too. Anyway, this is all stupid. Enjoy the extra baby weight, J “Don’t Call Me JLo” Lo. The only weight that should be of concern to you is the weight of knowing where Marc Anthony hides the remains of his victims.

J.Lo gets early exercise [AZ Central]