Jessica Alba handed her baby shower guests some corny-ass bracelets with the instruction not to remove them until her womb troll pops hopefully brownily into the kind of world where people expect everyone to care about their own dumb offspring:

During the baby shower for the heavily pregnant “Fantastic Four” actress at Ever After Tea Shop in Studio City last week, guests were asked to don leather bracelets before saying a “life, love, health, et cetera” prayer, according to one spy. The guests, including Kim Kardashian and Rashida Jones, were then told they were not allowed to take off the bracelets until the baby was born.

Et cetera? Sounds like they kind of lost interest in combing through affirmative self-help books for bracelet-slogan-inspiration halfway through. Yes, babies are cute and free bracelets are nice, but if you give us a gift, do not presume to tell us how and when to use it unless we ask. Which we won’t. Also, why does your baby look so much like the post man? Interesting.

Brace Yourself [Page Six]