Tania Derveaux (a former Senatorial candidate in Belgium who promised “40,000 blowjobs” to supporters) is a woman on a mission. She wants to protect net neutrality. So fervent is her passion that she is willing to have sex with any virgin who provides “proof” that he (Or she? Presumably not.) has been defending net neutrality. We cannot wait to die. Let’s take a look at Tania’s requirements:

• applicants must be 18yrs old or above
• condom must be used, except if the applicant prefers to release his semen upon Tania’s body without any oral or vaginal contact
• Anal sex is negotiable, although Tania will cease the performance immediately if any form of ‘surprise buttsex’ occurs

• multiple participants are not allowed, but applicants are entitled to have an audience observe the performance

• if anywhere along the process, it becomes clear that the applicant is not a virgin, Tania reserves the right to terminate all activity
• applicant must be able to provide sufficient evidence that clearly shows he has been defending net neutrality (eg. a print-out of a forum post, a link to a vlog)
• applicant agrees that in the event of the applicant infringing upon Terms of Service during the process of the act, Tania is not responsible for any genital injury that the applicant may suffer
• Tania may deny service for hygiene reasons

So. Ok. Let’s proceed as if this is not some sort of elaborate and clever satirical remark on the state of the internet today. Now, Tania, describes her mission thusly:

I’m using sex in a positive way to spread awareness. The reason why only virgins can apply is because I don’t want to make this promise to such a large amount of people that I’ll have to turn some down.

Nope. This is not “sex in a positive way.” So, guys can offer thoughtfully-constructed screeds about freedom of speech and the internet and be accomplishing something noble that merits reward (sexual gratification), but a woman is reduced to a series of orifices for him to ejaculate into in order to work towards making an impact?

While there will be the argument that this is Tania’s body to do as she pleases with, it is one that, ultimately, misses the greater point. This is a public and publicized decision on her part. As such, it is, whether she intended it or not, a reinforcement of structures currently in place in society. Everything you do has a consequence beyond your own immediate experience. So, by agreeing to allow strangers to enter her, she is also making a comment out the purpose and role of our body, of our place in society.

So, Tania, your getting fucked? Fucks us up the ass, too.

I will make love with every virgin who defends the Internet. [Don’t Stay A Virgin]