Police have arrested thirteen accused sorcerers in Congo after a series of shrunken penises led to a witch hunt and attempted lynchings. We’re surprised this didn’t end up a “Fun Facts From Florida!” post:

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

We want to meet these men right away. We have a list of people we’d like them to “consult:” Joe Francis, Tom Tancredo, Hugo Chavez, Chris Matthews, Carlos Mencia and that guy in the subway who called us a “cunt” that one time. Yes, we’re a cunt. A big, huge cunt that shoots out rainbows and unicorns to the tune of “The Electric Slide.” Homicidal unicorns, at that.

Penis theft panic hits city… [Yahoo]