Berto Is “America’s Numero Uno Telenovela Star,” But First We Subject You To Three Episodes Of “Viva Hollywood” In A Row.

Last weekend we slacked and didn’t write the “Viva Hollywood” update. (We’re sure you missed it!) Little did we know that this weekend, they would hit us with two new episodes in a row, culminating in the season finale. The result is that we had to watch three motherfucking episodes in one day. So, whatever you did for Memorial Day, it can’t compare to the misery we endured. If you don’t have it in you to read about them all, we’ll let you know now: Berto Colon won. We called it about 4 weeks ago. A fact we’re ashamed of because it means we were actually following the show, but whatever. It’s a job. Future updates to come. For now, let the news of Berto’s win restore your faith in shitty reality television and the mediocre Latino entertainment talent pool.