We want to touch Neil Patrick Harris’ butt, but, evidently, that privilege is reserved for famous psychotics, not unknown ones. Britney Spears returned to her groundbreaking role as “Abby” on “How I Met Your Mother.” We would suggest Brit tiptoed daintily around a shark on her way over, but we were only just slightly aware this show existed even before she guest-starred. More hysterical, marriage-obsessed women and uncaring men with commitment issues after the jump: