“Geisha facials” are probably less sexy and just as gross as you might envision - and, for a little time only, 100% more racially problematic! Geisha in Japan, according to someone, would rub nightingale droppings on their faces in an effort to achieve that ever-elusive “white” skin. Ladies. That’s just what the nightingales want you to think. They’ll also tell you it’ll make your eyes greener, cure headaches, and make your hair shinier. They’ll buy you some PBR, share a bowl of Cheez Puffs, ask you for jukebox requests. They’ll snap their ironic suspenders cockily and tell you funny stories about their roommates. They’ll talk to you about “their art” and refer to movies as “films.” And you’ll be smitten! But, then, you’ll go back to their place — which consists of little more than a mini fridge and a dirty futon — and there’ll be some other girl sitting their in a leotard / her own vomit and then…

What? Nevermind. Geisha facial. Racist. The end.