Jessica Alba Is Planning A “Babymoon” Because She’s A Harlot Who Makes Jesus Weep

Because Jessica Alba got pregnant before marriage in exactly the way Papa Dios hates, she’s now planning a “babymoon” with new husband Cash Warren:

“She wants to go on a babymoon vacation before she gives birth. She’s looking forward to lounging on a beach somewhere like Cabo (Cabo San Lucas, Mexico).”

“They want to do relaxing couple’s things like get massages - of course hers will be prenatal. She’s trying to spend as much alone time with Cash as she can.”

Hi, you can’t just make up terms like that! “Babymoon!” That’s not a thing! Actually…

Typical young Latina that we are, we can’t wait to have strangers rub coconut oil on our distended, bastard-filled bellies some day while angels and our parents cry softly. Statistically speaking, there should be a -virgin- piña colada with our name on it in the near future.

Pregnant Jessica Alba planning babymoon with new hubby [Thaindian News]
Earlier: In The Money: Jessica Alba And Cash Warren Are Married