Mario Lopez Is An Underminer

You can stop holding your breath, everybody! Mario Lopez’s new tome, Knockout Fitness, is finally out. And will help you get that beautiful, chiseled ass you never knew you always wanted. You can crack walnuts with these asscheeks, baby. But that still won’t make you as gorgeous as international superstar Dimples McMullet over here:

“If you want to have a great butt, you’re going to have a great butt at the end of this program, even though you didn’t tell me you wanted a great butt. Ditto for firm arms, a tight stomach, and every other showcase body part. About the only thing I can’t guarantee is a set of dimples like mine!”

Oh Mario. Giggle, sigh.

Mario Lopez Wants To Pump You Up [A Socialite's Life]