Beyonce is apparently pregnant with a baby or a ball of hair or a diamond made of other diamonds. Or something. This is how she managed to get Jay-Z to walk down the aisle amidst bagillion dollar flower arrangements lightly kissed with morning dew and Solange’s tears of loneliness:

A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting.

Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon. The couple is pretty private about their personal lives—they still haven’t even confirmed their wedding. But the source confirmed that she is expecting and they rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.

Nice try. Jesus can figure out that you’re having a baby less than nine months after your wedding. And He hates you.

HS Exclusive: Beyonce Is Pregnant! [HollyScoop]