Gawker figured out that the subject of a blind item about a diva who demanded to see contract John Finton during his birthday party while his mother was dying is none other than Jennifer “I’m Real” Lopez.

Don’t be fooled by the rocks that she’s got and don’t try to make eye contact while you’re trying not to get fooled because Jennifer will tear out your soul and use it as toilet paper while calling your dying mother fat. Ugh, even typing her name makes our mouth taste like fake-ass. Let’s watch this (admittedly old, but still hilarious) video to get the taste out.

Jennifer Lopez’s Contractor Summoned From Birthday Dinner With His Dying Mother [Gawker]
Mock Interview: Jennifer Lopez vs. Paris Hilton [Much Music, via YouTube]