Well, “Viva Hollywood,” is over and as commenter Benny Lava said earlier, “Berto’s Colon is the only reason I watched this shitfest, so I’m OK with his win.” Still, let’s recap, no? On the final episode of the show, three contestants remained to fight for the title of Biggest Sellout To Their Heritage, er, we mean “America’s Numero Uno Telenovela Star”—Berto, Jenn Pinto and Gisel, ‘la nariz’ Saumat. For the final competition, the kids had to reenact some of the drama that went down this season amongst the cast members in La Casa de Los Locos for hosts Maria Conchita Alonso and Carlos Ponce and celebrity guest judge Cheech Marin (Really, Cheech? Really?) As usual, Berto and Jenn brought the goods while Gisel complained her way to a sudden death. “Anyone can impersonate someone else. But that’s not acting.” Hey, since when does not acting stop anyone on this show?

Gisel’s departure left the two contestants you always knew were going to make it to the end. Okay, we always knew because, let’s face it, we were the only ones watching. Berto had never been to a duel before and with good reason. He was the only contestant on the show who could come close to calling himself an actor. He was also the only contestant who could impersonate an adult. He maturely stood his ground in the duel while Jenn the Jennifer Lopez/Rosie Perez hybrid flailed around yelling, “Mookie! Mookie!” Berto was selected the winner by Maria Conchita who was sucking on a rose stem. (Don’t ask.) Berto won the $100,000, the condo in Miami and a telenovela contract with Telemundo. Congratulations, Berto. You win and America loses.