Xochitl Parra is a 17-year-old girl who gave birth at home, secretly and without her family having known she was pregnant, and then walked to the hospital with her baby still attached by umbilical cord. Ok:

“I was just a little nervous” when the labor began, Xochitl Parra said Friday from St. Mary Medical Center as she cradled her 8-pound, 3-ounce son, Alejandro.

The boy was normal and “eating like a champ,” said Dr. Jose Perez, director of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

And just how did this secret baby come forth from her secret vulva so secretly?

The teenager said she was alone and taking a shower around 5:30 a.m. Wednesday to get ready for school. Then the contractions took over.

“I felt his head coming, so I sit down and pushed so he could come out,” she said.

Parra did not call 911 because the home phone was disconnected, and she did not want to wake the neighbors because it was so early. Instead, she wrapped the baby, got dressed and went to the hospital on foot.

We can barely take a shit without crying and passing out; we really can’t fathom giving birth alone in the shower. Or being so frightened of our mother’s reaction that we’d keep an entire pregnancy secret. (Although, we uh. Suspect it would be kind of obvious.) Also, everyone please stop naming your babies Alex. There are quite enough of us and it does get rather sad and lonely to hear our name called out, only to turn around and realize, actually, we have no friends and that was meant for someone else.

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