Chipotle Is Making Guanabee Editors Fat, Comatose

Disconcerted by the news that a giant corporation might be lying to us, Daniel, Alex and Mark decided to deep throat some Chipotle and see how our choices in Fauxican foodstuffs falls in comparison to the restaurant’s nutritional information. The verdict? Daniel’s chicken burrito brings him to a whopping 960 calorie lunch, while Alex’s vegetable burrito and Mark’s chicken tacos fare a little better, but not the point that either of us are willing to trade our usual liquid lunch for a Chipotle burrito. Check it out:

Daniel’s Burrito

This is quite a departure from Daniel’s usual fare of aura-boosting macrobiotic noodles with tofu satay.

Alex’s Burrito

This is quite a departure from Alex’s usual fare of Diet Coke. Macrobiotic, of course.

Mark’s Stupid Tacos

Mark had to order tacos, because he’s so fucking unique and different.

Earlier: Chipotle’s Calorie Info Feeds You More Inauthentic Mexican Lies Than A Poorly Executed Dirty Sanchez