As part of their ongoing effort to bring you, oh closeted striped-shirt enshrouded i-banker, “snow” for which to “ski” with “snow bunnies” and “prostitutes,” Colombian drug cartels have taken to transporting cocaine in homemade water craft. They are ingenious in much the same way you are not:

The boats, made of plastic or steel, can carry up to 10 tons of cocaine each. Because they cannot submerge completely, the correct term for the boats is semi-submersibles. They are used primarily on the drug trafficking routes between Colombia and Guatemala or Mexico. The cartels have devised a complete logistics system, with fishing boats stationed along the way to warn the crews against patrols and provide them with food and water.

Clever. But surely we can figure out equally inventive ways of transporting cocaine across borders and into your sinus cavities? Our suggestions, after the jump:

Cristiano Ronaldo At The Beach

Capricious and capacious, Cristiano is an obvious choice for smuggling all sort of things inside of another thing.

“Jack In The Box” Taco

Because no one’s really eating these anyway. Right?

Small Child Made Entirely of Cocaine

Children are rife with disease and make strange sounds, so no one wants to handle them for a moment longer than they absolutely have to. This renders children the perfect receptacles for transporting cocaine from one place to another with minimal interference.

Colombia’s Cocaine Cartels Learn a New Trick [Spiegel]