‘Member little Elian Gonzales the adorable Cuban boy purportedly rescued by dolphins in the middle of ocean after his mother died trying to get him to America? He was forced to return to his father in Cuba eight years ago and the whole country was obsessed with the case because, well, it was before they invented, Survivor. Well, Elian’s 14 now and he just joined Cuba’s Young Communists Club. Like you do when you’re growing up in Cuba, we’re sure. Here it’s Xbox, there it’s “Hail Castro” or whatever.

Elian Gonzalez said he will never let down ex-President Fidel Castro and his brother Raul Castro, according to the Communist youth newspaper Juventud Rebelde.

You see, Elian? This is why the dolphins are abandoning us at armageddon.

Elian Gonzalez joins Cuba’s youth Communists [CNN]