Has Your Relationship Turned Kind Of Into A Strange, Incestuous Tryst? No? Oh, Ok. Ours Neither!
25 June 2008, 10:40 AM. By Daniel Mauser
Redheaded plasticface Kathy Griffin once dated neckless billionaire Steve Wozniak, but says the two never rubbed sticks and stones together. (That means sssssex.) And not only because her vulva has now been lifted somewhere around the vicinity of her neck. Fact: Kathy Griffin is not winking at you; she’s doing Kegel exercises. Now news comes trickling in that Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie are living like “brother and sister” as they prepare for a divorce. Sad!
Or… totally awesome? Our mildly intoxicated attempt at reasoning, after the jump:
Being in a relationship is fun. Until you actually get to know the person. And then it all becomes kind of comfortable and predictable. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. Because, don’t get us wrong, we like nothing more than eating take out while watching something on DVD with our significant other. See, after a certain point, our lust turns to love and we grow comfortable with one another to the point where superficial things like wearing makeup or cute outfits or bathing regularly fade away, leaving us to talk about real, important stuff like books and ideologies and farting on command.
Now, not having sex with your partner a la Kathy and strikes us as kind of odd, sure, but it’s not like we’re constantly having sex anyway. Hahaha! Haha. Sigh. Sob. So our sincere question to The Marrieds is as such: Isn’t marriage more about teamwork than passion? Building a family unit — regardless of children — than assembling a repertoire of kama sutra poses? Is living like brother and sister really so bad as the article on Madonna makes it out to be? We tend to think not! The way we see it, it’s preferable to wake up in a panic in the middle of the night and see your best friend - not your best lay.
Obviously, we have no experience with marriage other than observing our parents and watching sitcom families go through their various hilarious hijinks. (Women are shrill, but hot, harpies! Men are fat and like beer and sports!) But, either way, we’ve still got to wonder: Don’t people realize marriage is more about work than fun?
Eh, what do you all think?
Kathy Griffin: I Never Slept With Steve Wozniak [Us Magazine]
Madonna and Guy ‘discuss split as seven-year marriage hits rock bottom’ [Daily Mail]
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I’ve been married for almost six years, and I had two kids going into this thing. Being married is like a business partnership - you’re not just trying to keep the day-to-day things running, keep the lights on, keep the shelves stocked, etc., but you also have to think about what you’re going to be doing next week, next month, next year. And then you have to figure out how to get where you want to be in ten or twenty years. Lots of people think only about developing themselves - taking a class or getting into religion - without thinking about how that’s going to affect the partnership. In business, if one partner thinks that the business should dump the kids toys and ramp up the Ukranian porn but the other disagrees, it comes down to making some choices. Which is more important, staying in business or selling Ukranian porn? When any individual choice becomes more important than the health of the partnership, it’s all downhill.
I’ve been a writer and editor for my entire adult life, but I’ve made some sacrifices for this marriage and for my kids in order to maintain a healthy relationship. In other relationships, I made different decisions (see “Ex-Husbands 1-3″ for a detailed discussion of what I believe is more important than marriage), but this time it’s more important that the relationship stay together. Madonna and Guy Ritchie are both people with entire industries riding on their business decisions and can’t afford to let a little thing like a relationship get in the way of their respective businesses.
I think it’s that Guy Ritchie is gay. I mean, who else would marry Madonna? And check out this New York Times article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/02/fashion/02nite.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
gay gay gay, and hot too…