We were trying to cobble together some sort of joke involving “fruit of her loans” and “not ready for this jelly” but we’re on our third Cuba Libre and grossed ourselves out thoroughly. But, just making you aware. We made the effort. Anyway, Jessica Alba. Her baby is practically prairie dogging:

The mom-to-be reveals that she won’t be able to make it to the Love Guru premiere June 11, saying she and husband Cash Warren have spent the past month prepping for their new arrival.

But she’s turning her impeding baby poppage into something positive for her fans:

That’s good news for fans who can compete to win Jess’ tickets to the star-studded premiere on her MySpace Celebrity page.

J-Jessica? Is that you?

Haha, no! We totally believe you! Hehe. Just… Can you, like. Maybe frown a little? And call us a beaner, while maybe throwing a stiletto in our general direction?

No, haha, just kidding! Just. Kidding.

Jess, it’s just that… Well, you’re being so…. So nice. And friendly. And personable. And Latina. It’s almost as if, since you’ve gotten pregnant, you’ve… Changed.

Your pregnancy? No, yeah, you remember. That day those lovely space people dropped by for tea? They said something about pots or pods… We don’t really remember. Anyway.

What? No, it’s your turn to shave our back. Yeah, we’re positive. Thanks, baby.

Jessica Alba Due to Deliver Any Day Now? [E Online]