“Staycations” On Your Lawn Chair In A Bata De Casa Sound Cheap, Unfun

What with soaring gas prices (that we’ve read about, considering we haven’t driven since ever) and a recession, many families are electing to be totally boring and have vacations at home. Honey, this is not a vacation. This is called “family time” and we’d rather be working:

With research showing that many households plan to cut back on summer travel — a Rand McNally survey found that two-thirds plan to shorten or cancel road trips — Wal-Mart is rolling back prices on products such as mosquito repellant, portable DVD players, baked beans and barbecue sauce.

“Americans are still wanting to have a great summer,” said Wal-Mart spokeswoman Melissa O’Brien. “They want to enjoy those quick weekend getaways and socialization around the backyard cookout.”

We do? A “staycation,” eh? Clever. You know, because it rhymes with “marketing scheme to get people to buy tacky patio furniture and lawn ornaments:”

Like the retail promotions aimed at drawing people into stores with their federal economic-stimulus checks, current efforts to spur summer spending probably will have mixed success, said Nick McCoy, a home-goods and home-improvement consultant for Columbus-based TNS Retail Forward.

“It’s true that a lot of people are staying at home rather than traveling,” McCoy said. “However, because of the incredible pressures in terms of rising gas prices and food prices and job uncertainty, I don’t see people spending a lot of money on things they wouldn’t otherwise. They’re still holding on to their wallets very tightly.”

God, no. The horror. We could not think of anything worse than a weekend with family, our ass getting all stuck to plastic patio furniture while someone sprays mosquito repellant in our mouth. There’s another way to enjoy your time off without having to pretend you like your tia’s potato salad (Secret ingredient? Ketchup. And expired mayo.): Open. Bar.

Retailers cater to summer ’staycations’ [Columbus Dispatch]