Thomas Beatie Likes Birds, Bubble Baths And Being Photoshopped Into Odd Pictures

Thomas Beatie is set to poop out his womb troll in just four short weeks and he’s taken time out of his busy schedule of lawn-mowing to pose with some birds and shit. He apparently has been enjoying his -publicity- pregnancy so much that he is considering doing it again:

“We have her nursery ready and her diapers are lined up in her bedroom. Everything is ready to go. We have even picked a name which we both love—although we’re waiting until she is born before we tell anyone. All the people who really know us and love us, our friends and family, have been incredibly supportive.”

“So much so we might even have more children. We will just see what the experience is like with our daughter’s arrival first and then give it some thought.”

After the jump, Thomas Beatie gets naked, kisses animals and probably gets some sort of weird infection.

A day in the life of Thomas Beatie:

8:00 am

I wake up and bid my little choochie-faces a good morning. “Who’s a cute booboo? Is it you?! Is it you?!” Aw, haha.

8:15 am

After kissing my little boo-babies, I pump some fucking iron and smash some beer cans on my forehead. Because I am a man.

9:15 am

After my workout, I wind down with a nice bubble bath. Because I have a sensitive side that is best reflected by being photographed partaking in activities socially and historically associated with females.

9:42 am

Nancy, my wife, checks to make sure I’ve done a good job. You like her robe? I made it. Out of elfin foreskin and pegasus feathers. Jealous?

9:45 am

Then, a nice shave, lest you forget that I am now male, biologically and mentally, and require a very obvious and literal representation of said fact.

10:00 am

Then I go out, barefoot, into the street. Because why not?

11:15 am

Sometimes I’m joined on my walks by my lovely wife and best friend, Nancy, who brings me shoes and tells me to, please, stop wandering the streets without a shirt on.

12:00 pm

But, haha, I lose the shirt again! Then I turn sixteen feet tall and stare through your window. Because I am Thomas Motherfucking Beatie and I’m made of magic. But I’m also a human being, guys, like any one of you. I hope this poorly executed and downright confusing photo series will help you to see that.

We may have MORE babies [News of the World]