Ah prom season! That special time of year one spends several weeks feverishly searching for an uncomfortable dress you’ll only wear once, only to have it end up crumpled in the corner of some hotel room. A time to wear a complicated and expensive hairstyle you’ll eventually come to regret and a time for a young man with questionable facial hair and acne to pin a corsage or flowers — those most socially acceptable of symbolic vulvas — directly onto your boob. And, best of all? A time for Tackiest Prom Dress lists! So, without further ado, adjust your shellacked pineapple of an updo, retrieve your panties from the back of some adolescent mutant’s Pinto and get ready for our list of the Top 10 Tackiest Prom Dresses, Pero Like, Ever:

10. The Literalist

Lucinda is fairly certain she does, indeed, look “lip smackingly good” tonight, but is unsure what her date meant when he said she looked “good enough to eat.”

9. Princess Sparkle Rainbow Pony Face!

Just because Sasha has to go to a “special room” during certain classes like math, English and naptime, doesn’t mean she has to miss out prom. Even if she had to make her own dress out of toilet paper, finger paint, Play-Doh and My Little Pony hair.

8. The Food Court Goth

Meet Courtney, Mistress of Darkness. She enjoys burning candles for the Dark Prince, incense, the writings of Anton LaVey and not consuming carbs. (Note!: “Matching rhinestone skull and crossbones jewelry also available.”)

7. The Happy One

Elena was happy to finally find a dress that adequately hid her grotesque mutant tail.

6. Little Girl Lost

When Arianna was a little girl, she dreamed of growing up to become a princess, or maybe a dolphin trainer. It was all she thought about! She breathed, dreamed and ate princessy stuff. Well, the years passed and Arianna soon found herself a lovely young lady of 18, excited to be going to prom! Only, instead of being a beautiful fairytale princess with a scepter and tiara, Arianna was a high school failure with a remedial summer school math class and herpes.

5. The Figurine Collector

Chantal loves Winnie the Pooh so much that she decided that she and her own little “Pooh Bear,” Omar, lose their virginity on prom night while wearing a cartoon bear. It’s a night Chantal’s often daydreamed about while dusting her collection of Precious Moments figurines (234 and counting!) and during many a heart-to-heart with her collection of Looney Tunes plushies. Omar was excited about it, too, until he remembered how much he can’t wait to die.

4. The Wallflower

Teehee! Don’t look at Cheryl-Lynn! She’s shy.

3. The Warm Cornmeal Cake

Labiasyslis Arriola was so excited for prom! As the entire senior class at Our Lady Of Perpetual Sorrow High School could tell.

2. Unfortunate

Jazmine feels her whole prom look is just unfortunate. Because she just can’t get her hair right. She’s tried everything! Mousse. Hairspray. Skipping class to sniff glue with a boy who would later lead her to a life filled with overwhelming regret. Even scrunchies wouldn’t work.

1. The Winningest Loser

Will ya look at that winning smile? Radiant. It’s almost as if Jacqueline Duty of Lexington, Kentucky has no idea the Confederacy lost to… um. What was that, the Spanish-American War? Lord knows there’s a lot of them Spanish folks moving up ‘round these parts. We’ll bet her corsage contained a pair of Truck Nutz.