Watchando: Has Pooped Out A Baby, Y'all!

Jamie-Lynn Spears gave birth to a female troll-thing or something. She named it “Maddie Briann” because multiple consonants are fancy, like Paris and shit. [National Enquirer]
A pet shop barred Paris Hilton from buying a Yorkie because they felt it was an “impulse buy.” That double-jointed donkey was an impulse buy; Yorkies are just super cute. [Page Six]
Ali Lohan is going to star in some movie about trolls. We’re not touching this. [E! Online]
Blake Lively’s dog pissed all over her. Eh, you learn to like it. [PopSugar]
Our little brother, Machochip, takes a look at hot women with cool attitudes. It doesn’t include the names “Cindy” or “Alex” though, so we don’t know. [Machochip]