Betting On Weddings Keeps Us From Bed-Wetting

Now that we’re hearing more and more about people our age getting engaged and we slowly lose control of our bodily functions as a result of an increasing sense of panic and dread, we take great delight in having discovered a site, Wedding Betting, that allows people to bet on how long couples will remain married. Cue maniacal cackle.

The site allows you to choose whether a couple will “barely make it past the altar” or live “happily ever after” in a New Jersey suburb with a minivan and a child who enjoys sniffing glue in their wood-paneled den while watching tentacle porn.

So go ahead and upload a photo of some smug couple that can afford a one bedroom in Ft. Greene and have brunch on Sundays with their stupid little dog that wears adorable sweaters in the winter and, and…

Weep.

How long will this couple last? [Wedding Betting]