Jose Canseco, sworn enemy of Alex Rodriguez after El Rod hit on his wife, has decided he wants in on this whole Madonna-A-Rod-Lenny Kravitz-Cynthia Rodriguez deal and has come forth saying Madonna had begged him to impregnate her back in 1991 so that she could have a Cuban child. Waiting for magical dolphins to bring one across the sea takes a while, we guess:

“She wanted to get married and have a child with me — she wanted a Cuban child,” he tells Us.

Canseco recalls: “We went downstairs [at her house in the Hollywood Hills] and she came over and said, ‘What would you do if I kissed you?’ and then sat on my lap and kissed me.”

Kissed you? With her vagina?

Madonna even offered to support him if he split with his wife. “She said, ‘I have lots of money. Don’t worry about that,’” Canseco tells Us.

This sounds like a very special episode of “I Love Lucy.” We’re so happy that Madonna was finally able to get a Cuban man to spit a baby into her. Lourdes, how does it feel to be a fetish object? Like several million dollars, we’re guessing.

Jose Canseco: Singer Madonna Begged Me to Impregnate Her [Us Magazine]