Exclusive Report: American And European Women Are Traveling To Brazil To Make Bebês.

Oh, laaaadies! Tired of dating men who, for whatever reason, are unable or unwilling to settle down and get to baby-making? Fed up with the usual vacation to Europe (old!) or Boca Raton, Florida (really, really old!)? Then perhaps you should consider planning a vacation to Brazil. Contributing Editor Ariana Rockefeller notes a trend among American and European women who want to have children but are unsatisfied with the prospects men they knew have to offer. Men who, say, are either too busy or uninterested to have children - or they are too timid to approach women in the first place. So, instead of continuing to search for Mr. Goodbar on their home turf, some women decide to “tour” Brazil in search of, well. In search of a sperm donor. Ariana explains:

Jump on a plane to Brazil, ladies, and a new kind of tourist attraction can be found: The men have no shame in approaching, pursuing, name-calling, sweet-talking and just simply seducing a sunburned, culture-shocked gringa who has just stepped into a country where no one knows her name. Ladies who are unattached, but feeling their biological clock [ticking], find an alternative to seeking out the perfect WASPy investment banker.

Ariana continues, giving reasons why this method is a good idea for the modern woman:

Truth be told, this marks an empowering moment for women: When in history have women been able to swoop into a foreign country and consciously get themselves pregnant with beautiful babies while drinking fresh coconut milk and dancing under the stars with a charming Latino? I’d say this is a power shift for sure… And how do these men feel about it? Maybe they will never know, and New York and London will continue becoming populated with their sexy spawn. One thing is for sure; the parents of these passport-toting, college-educated and newly single mothers will not be demanding child support anytime soon from a man who sells coconuts and of whom the last name remains undetermined.

Coconuts are sexy, as commenters have often helpfully pointed out to us. Anyway. That is certainly one way to get pregnant. As one Scottish woman (nicknamed Slutty McWhore) — who is currently considering jumping on the trend herself — puts it:

“If I’m lucky I probably only have another ten years of fertility ahead of me. This is quite worrying given that (a) I am nowhere near ready to have kids. If I had the money I’d freeze my fucking eggs, but it’s too bloody expensive - about $14,000! [And] (b) when I finally am ready, it will no doubt be impossible to find a decent man. Oh, I know they’re out there, but they’re pretty thin on the ground. But not to worry: I’ve decided that if I reach thirty-eight, and I’m still single, then I’m going to move to Brazil for a few months with an ovulation kit, and just seduce some handsome Brazilian bloke at the right time of the month.

Wait. Why a Brazilian man?

Why a Brazilian man?

Yeah!

Well, Brazilian Portuguese just sounds so lovely, and I’m also on a mission to re-populate Scotland with as many dark-skinned people as possible.”

Um. Romantic? And… uh. Good luck painting the town brown, so to speak…

So, now that we’ve heard a few reasons for why this is an ideal method of insemination for some women — travel opportunities, hot men, empowerment, a short-term relationship with absolutely no strings attached — let’s discuss some questions as to why jetting off to Brazil to collect baby batter can be problematic.

Thing is, we can’t help but feel incredibly uneasy about this trend. For one, it’s rather dehumanizing that dark, Brazilian men and Anglo tourist women see one another as being always sexually available, all the time. Add to this the notion that Brazilian men, or that men in general, are little more than the biological equivalent of a public restroom’s soap dispenser, and we can’t help but feel a little queasy about it all. And feel the immediate need to wash our hands.

But we care about you. So, while we do not endorse this trend, if you find that this is a viable solution that meets your needs, we hope that you take the following precautions:

1. Be cautious: make sure to ask for proof that the person you choose is clean and STD-free.
2. Folllow your instincts: you need to ensure that your Brazilian “stud” doesn’t take it farther than you’re comfortable with. Bring mace.
3. Be considerate: if you do get pregnant, inform the guy. He has the right to know he has a child traipsing about somewhere in the world.

Phew! This is precisely why, at this point in our lives, we’re perfectly content with adopting a puppy and vacationing on a rooftop in Brooklyn with a jug of caipirinha and a condom or twelve. Then again, we’re only 23.