Jessica Alba opens up to Cosmopolitan UK about how it is that she manages to consistently come across as entirely unrelatable and entitled in all her interviews. Oh. Or about how she didn’t feel sexy while because she was fat carrying a baby:

“I never felt less sexy. I mean, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world and my cravings weren’t so bad — I craved citrus fruits, like lemons, oranges and grapefruit. But I wanted to get rid of all the weight. It was also a great happiness, though and I certainly didn’t have any cravings not to be pregnant.”

Yeah, because watching one’s body change and grow to support life is so, like. Not cute. And on the subject of her boring-ass wedding:

“Well, we’d talked about the possibility of having a wedding before the birth, but nothing was decided. Then we just thought, ‘Why not?’ We wanted to do it for ourselves, not for anyone else, so it just made sense. It was very romantic, though. Cash designed the ring himself. He decided he wanted to wear one, too — I didn’t even have to force him! How he proposed is a secret but, needless to say, I said yes right away. We’re not a typical Hollywood couple. I love that he’s not an actor.”

We love that he doesn’t give interviews because we’d hate to have him open and mouth and destroy another one of our crushes. As for the secret proposal… It probably involved Jessica Alba, a romantic dinner and a blackout followed by waking up in a dank basement, duct-taped to a chair with “Marry Me” carved into his arm.

[Cosmo UK, via Popsugar]