We live in a culture that is constantly bombarding us with contradictory messages about sex and relationships. Images of sex are everywhere, and yet talking openly and honestly about sex to young and impressionable people is still considered taboo. I’m here to honestly and respectfully answer all of those nagging questions about sex and relationships that you’re afraid to ask your abuela. So send your burning love, sex, and relationship questions to gabriel@guanabee.com. I’ll keep your name private. And your shame public.

This week: Dyke Drama!

Dear Gabriel,

A resentful boo

Dear Boo,

In life, there are things that one has no control over: one’s family, the number of shots of tequila to be had, and your significant other’s friends. Unfortunately, your girlfriend’s friends were there before you, so you will have to deal with them like one deals with a bad rash: wait it out, or self-medicate a lot. It seems that some your girlfriend’s friends do not like you, but the last thing you want to do is give them the pleasure of knowing they can push your buttons and fuck with your head. When confronted with challenging people who get off by putting you down, the wisest thing to do is to always take the high road and treat them with all the respect and niceness that you can muster. Kill them with kindness, and you will truly demonstrate that you value your relationship with your girl above petty high-school bickering and silly head games. Your girlfriend’s friends are just being selfish, which is something that is beyond your control. Rise above it.

Nonetheless, it seems that there is a fundamental communication issue between you and your girl. It is perfectly OK to establish boundaries in a relationship by requesting that you spend time together with none of her friends around. Just tell your girlfriend that you don’t feel comfortable around some of her friends, and that you would like to have some nights alone with her. If your girlfriend does not think that is a good idea, you have to think about whether she is subconsciously trying to sabotage your relationship by putting you in uncomfortable situations. If she really values you, she will not subject you to
awkward or challenging situations.

Ultimately, one is judged by one’s actions. If you treat your girlfriend with respect and dignity, her friends will recognize that and come to accept you. If they don’t, you have to decide whether you can tolerate her emotionally-stunted and infantile friends or look for greener pastures elsewhere. Surely she’s not the only lezzie in your neck of the woods. You can always come over and drown your sorrows by watching Martina Navratilova Wimbledon reruns with me while we dress up as Xena.

Cariños,

—Gabriel