Beauty pageants have always been something of a mystery to us. We don’t usually wear a sparkly crown and lucite heels whilst frolicking on the beach in a bikini and answering hard-hitting questions like whether we think a woman should be president or why we’re against the senseless and brutal microwaving of puppies. But! We realize there are just some things we’ll never understand. Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza’s photo spread is one of those things.

Bikini with heels? Makeup at the beach? Smiling while outdoors, away from air conditioning? We just don’t get it.

Check out the Venezuelan ruler of the universe and her silly little photos, after the jump:

You know they airbrushed the living hell out of her midsection, because even the skinniest among us has a little roll when sitting down in a bathing suit. You know the roll we speak of, no? The one you can shape into a little mouth to say things like, “Look at me. I’m on a roll!” Or maybe that’s just us…

Do you think she wears the sash everywhere? Like, to Long John Silver’s? Or the laundromat? Or the free clinic? We would.