Latinos! Ever felt lost? Unsure of who you are and what it is you’re supposed to be doing? While grab a Dominican flag and your rosary, because, luckily, Barack Obama and John McCain’s camps are more than willing to let you know what, precisely, makes a Latino. Let’s start with Obama:

“We’re going to spend more money on Latino TV and radio than has ever been spent on a presidential campaign, and by a lot,” Cuahtemoc Figueroa, the director of Mr. Obama’s Latino vote effort, told members of La Raza on Sunday.

The campaign also views Mr. Obama’s half sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng, who taught school for several years in the Bronx, as something of a trump card to be deployed at events for Hispanic voters. “She speaks fluent Spanish, with a Dominican accent, and looks Latina,” Mr. Figueroa said.

Epic. Fail.

Let’s bypass, for a moment, the ludicrous idea that there is a way for Latinos to look, because we’ve certainly come across enough people, Latino and otherwise, who have helpfully — and seemingly complimentarily — informed us that we “don’t look Latina!” We fully understand that many, many people hold this belief, and that it’s a major reason why, in the sphere of popular culture, Jessica Alba and America Ferrera are constantly touted as Latina role models, whereas Cameron Diaz and Alexis Bledel rarely ever are.

So, sidestepping that, let’s face what we view as the more immediate issue at hand: Is this really the Obama camp’s “trump card?” And if it is, what kind of assholes does it take the public for to announce it? It’s one thing to be ignorant, it’s quite another to hire someone and espouse such stupid ideas in something so incredibly calculated as an election campaign.

God. Can McCain fare any better? Let’s see:

Mr. McCain also has some unusual Hispanic surrogates from which to draw, she noted. For instance, his Naval Academy roommate, Frank Gamboa, has recorded a radio advertisement in Spanish in which he says that Mr. McCain “shares our conservative values and faith in God” and “knows that family is the most important thing we have and that we value hard work.”

Sigh. Once again, ok, we get that this stereotype exists. We understand that its prevalent and that its hard to simultaneously combat and cater to a stereotype, should that stereotype be beneficial to your message and your cause. But, Jesus Christ, is it really too much to ask that these ideas are not flaunted as truth? That a slice of a demographic stop being held up as representative?

We’re going to steam over this while we fold the laundry and prepare a boliche so its ready when our novio comes home. Ojalá we’re able to make a quick stop to the Church for some agua bendita, too!

Obama and McCain Expand Courtship of Hispanics [NY Times]