Salma Hayek and her boyfriend who cums dollar signs, François-Henri Pinault, have called off their multi million dollar wedding. Sad:

“We are sad to announce the engagement of Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault has been canceled. There will be no further comment,” Hayek’s rep said in a statement.

We were looking forward to stories of delicious jordan almonds dipped in liquid gold. But why did they split, Hayek’s rep? Why have you no further comment?! That sort of thing will only lead to idle speculation, with some news outlets saying that perhaps the fact that Pinault is based in Paris while Salma lives in the U.S. put a strain on their relationship, or that Salma’s cavalier attitude toward marriage made a ceremony unnecessary to begin with. Like this, our list of Reasons Why Salma And François Have Called Off Their Wedding:

5. Salma called off the wedding after François refused to guest star on “Ugly Betty” as “Ugly.” Kidding! He’s perfectly lovely.

4. Salma moseyed on down to Pearl Vision and got her prescription renewed. Again, kidding!

3. François discovered that Valentina is not his child, but, rather, was fathered by Penelope Cruz.

2. Sex on large piles of burning money just isn’t the same when you’re married.

1. François watched Salma’s cinematic masterpiece, Fools Rush In:

Yeah, it all makes sense now.

Salma Hayek’s wedding isn’t happening [USA Today]