Special Report From The Casares Family Hurricane Dolly Party In Brownsville, Texas
23 July 2008, 1:10 PM. By Guanabee Staff
Cindy: Hi, Mom. How’s it going?
Cindy’s Mom: Well, we’re just here having a hurricane party.
Cindy: Are you really? Who’s there? Are you drinking hurricanes?
Cindy’s Mom: Your grandmother’s here. I don’t know what a hurricane is. I know it’s a drink, but that’s all.
Cindy: That’s all there is to it, Mom. It’s a drink. So what are you guys up to?
Cindy’s Mom: I fixed breakfast. Your father’s been sleeping on the recliner. Your brothers both called.
Cindy: Wow you must be thrilled.
Cindy’s Mom: It’s the only time my children call. When there’s a hurricane.
Cindy: Whatever…Did you board up the windows?
Cindy’s Mom: No your dad doesn’t want to. It’s only a low category two. They don’t think the wind is going to be bad. They think the flooding is a danger.
Cindy: Can’t you guys put some tape on the windows?
Cindy’s Mom: Pues, that’s not my department. I went to H-E-B at six in the morning and loaded up on water and non-perishables.
Cindy: Did you buy any fresh jalapeños?
Cindy’s Mom: Nope.
Cindy: Good. Did you notice if they were selling any?
Cindy’s Mom: Nope.
Cindy: So has ANYTHING interesting happened?
Cindy’s Mom: We’re keeping an eye on the tree in the back. You know the one that is really weak because the crazy neighbor poisoned it?
Cindy: Asshole.
Cindy’s Mom: Cynthia.
Cindy: Well he is.
Cindy’s Mom: Well it’s really bent from the wind because it’s so weak from what he did. We’re keeping an eye on it.
Cindy: What else?
Cindy’s Mom: They say the eye is still over the water. Until it falls on land, they can’t say how bad it’s going to be. It’s really dragging. Which is when hurricanes build momentum.
Cindy: I wish you would at least put some tape on the windows.
Cindy’s Mom: I’ll see if I can get your father to. We’re fortunate we still have power. A lot of places are without power. But I’ve got the candles ready, just in case. Here, let me put your grandmother on.
Cindy’s Grandmother: Hola, mijita!
Cindy: Hi, Grandma. What’s going on?
Cindy’s Grandmother: Pues no mas aqui. The hurricane is about 30 miles from land and it’s been raining a lot, but it’s pretty quiet. We’re just here watching the news. I’m ready for it to be over. Aqui esta tu mama.
Cindy’s Mom: Okay, mija, thanks for calling.
Cindy: Wow. She totally cut me off.
Cindy’s Mom: Don’t be an exaggerator.
Cindy: Will you call me if ANYTHING interesting happens?
Cindy’s Mom: Sure. Love you!
Cindy: Love you too, Mama.
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Hi Mrs. Casares—-
Don’t feel bad, your daughter only calls her friends when there are natural disasters too! Stay dry!
Here is how to make a Hurricane–Enjoy your party!
1 oz vodka
1/4 oz grenadine syrup
1 oz gin
1 oz light rum
1/2 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
1 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1 oz triple sec
grapefruit juice
pineapple juice
Pour all but the juices, in order listed, into a hurricane glass three-quarters filled with ice. Fill with equal parts of grapefruit and pineapple juice, and serve.
Best—Brett
Hey Cindy,
Just a note to let you know how much I love Guanabee and how much fun it’s been to read this post of yours. I’m writing you from Austin, Texas, where I work as a journalist. Your take on All things Latino (not just Latina) is so refreshing and clever!
I would also like to invite you guys take a look to my blog, called Periférico Sur (northbound) http://suralnorte.blogspot.com
I write about a recent and growing breed of Mexican immigrants: those young professionals running away from Mexico with their expensive BAs, MBAs and the like. Hope you can visit it and drop me a line.
Un abrazo,
Antonio
Ay Cindy, jur family ees so cute!
Boring post! Who cares?
Rebekaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! those damn hurricanes just dig up the most interesting people. welcome back mojona!
omg, rebekah’s back. like the cicadas or herpes!
@cindy: that was fucking hilarious. if i still had my _’uelita_ and talked to my mom, that would be the conversation i would have.
H.E.B.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I’d like a hurricane now, the drink.
@ rebekah
Obviously you have never partied with the Casares’ during a hurricane–anything but boring! Cindy’s grandmother rocks the Karaoke machine and won the macarena dance off during 1988’s hurricane Gilbert.
once happy hour hits.. im gonna go have a hurricane!
You guys don’t know Rebekah like I do. When she says, “Boring post,” it means, “I love you.” And when she says, “Who cares?” It means, “I always wanted to be a Guanabee.”
Ahhh, rebekah. How I missed thee….
That was hilarious! And that pic… so funny!
Brett,
PENDEJO! Macarena was first released in 1993, five years after Gilbert.
@ heston
u got me—I never partied with the Casares’ during a hurricane! I am a fraud!
@Brett: I don’t know what I believe in anymore.
When there is a hurricane in Miami, my relatives don’t answer the phone because they’re in bed with all the Santos. However, if you are my cojonua Tia Marta, you don’t answer the phone because you’re holding your door closed — all by yourself — when the Hurricane hits.
Hilarious, La Cindy.
@Cindy: Your mother and grandmother are lovely women, I’m sure, but if I had to spend more than 8 hours in a house with any member of the Lucio family, I’d want to spend it with your uncle, Senator Lucio. Oh … that would be great. I could teach him how to read and write. I’d also explain to him that it’s the 21st century and women shouldn’t be treated like submissive dogs. Who cares if he has the IQ of a/an [insert name of an animal that has a small neocortex], I’d treat the senator with the kind of respect a South Texas politician deserves.
Also, I just wanted you to know that “I always wanted to be a Guanabee.”
Wow, this is totally RANDOM… so I’m on Jezebel this evening and extraordinarily bored as well (happens far too often, I admit it) and I link to Guanabee, a site that I don’t visit too much anymore (not to be rude, but a last resort aversion, if you will) and I run across a ME imposter! How fucking crazy is that? Anyways, I did NOT post this- ”
Boring post! Who cares?
Posted by rebekah | July 23, 2008″
And Cindy, if you knew me as well as you claim you do, you would know I wouldn’t leave as boring a post as the aforementioned. I (like to think anyways) that I’m much more creative and entertaining than that. But my real question is, who are you Rebekah imposter and what the hell are you thinking? I’d like to know you and your motives for impersonating me; I’m honestly oddly flattered and I think you are either fucking weird or fucking bored or possibly both (I’m both). Rebekah Guanbee, where are you??????????
Kisses,
The OG Rebekah
P.S. Confidential to Guana- I missed you baby…
Cindy learn how to use the accents correctly -
Pues no más aquí. Aquí está tu mamá.
seriously.