As a parent, you are completely responsible for molding little Usmail or L’Tina’s grasp on the world and protecting from all the evil inherent therein. Evils like, say, the internet or, more specifically, a future in blogging. Fortunately, there’s a sweet lullabye you can pay your nanny to sing to your child while you’re busy reading Guanabee because you Googled “Latinas Nakid Big Ass Naturel:”

Do not stop to think or edit: You must be the first who said it.

You heard a brand-new band? What luck! You’ll be the first to say they suck.

In order to increase renown, add “bacon” to most any noun.

It’s not your job to right a wrong, just mark it FAIL and move along.

Rather than felicitations, send your friend an application.

To be an expert’s no great tax: Write common sense and call it “hacks.”

Your friends won’t like it, on the real, but you must Flickr every meal.

In disagreements, all your readers must be branded Nazi leaders.

It doesn’t matter what you say, just publish it twelve times per day.

Advice we wish we’d have been given before discovering what a “blog” was and learning why we should be instantly embarrassed to utter the word aloud. And, because we can, here are some videos of babies achieving internet fame:

When we first showed this video to our boyfriend, while squealing and waving our hands about helplessly, he said, “This little boy probably has to practice this like five hours a day, and his parents spray him with a hose every time he messes up.”

So this boy is technically not a baby, but we think anyone younger than 16 or so is basically still the fetal stage. Plus, he’s kind of a genius. Also, OMG, how does he keep his long-ass nails so strong!

Oh hey, look. Yet another baby who’s smarter than you’ll ever be.

Sure, some babies can play the guitar or sign over 50 words. Whatever, right? Good for them and their pampered asses. Some of us consider farting on command to be a justifiable talent, and this baby is no different.

Baby’s First Internet [The Morning News]