Covering The Coverage: “People En Español” Rules When It Comes To Handing Celebrities Back-Handed Compliments

You know that friend? The one who gives you a compliment laced with so much venom you find yourself wishing she would have spared the trouble and just shoved you into a pit of vipers? Like, let’s say you’re eating lunch and she leans in and whispers, “You know what’s great about you? You can become, like, totally anorexic and still not really look all that skinny because you’ve got hips. It’s great?” Well, “People en Español” is that friend. Just look at the way they’ve handled their feature entitled “Even the Stars Aren’t Picture Perfect.” It’s a strange mix between celebrating perceived imperfections and making fun of stars for their “flaws.”

Check out a few examples of their patently offensive, yet annoyingly PC “insulpliments,” after the jump:

On actress Barbara Mori:

The Mexican actress couldn’t hide her defunct toenail in these open-toed heels. Next time, we suggest a good pedicure, or closed-toed shoes.

We say it’s a good day when the worst thing someone can point out about you is a fungal infection on your toenail.

Actresses Claudia Ramirez and Jennifer Garner:

We love the way the Mexican soap star’s ears stick out just a little bit from underneath her hair. It’s a cute and charming look.

and…

Many Hollywood celebrities get plastic surgery to set their prominent ears back closer to their heads. But we have tons of respect for those like their ears just the way they are, like this Hollywood starlet.

Props for not seeking medical attention for your charming deformity, chicas!

Rossy de Palma:

The Spaniard’s bucked teeth and asymmetrical face may remind you of a Picasso, but maybe her distinct features are what entice director Pedro Almodovar to cast her in his films, and why so many designers want her to model for them.

“Asymmetrical face?” Had they thrown in a quip about her “interesting” features, we would accuse them of trying to wrangle their way out of calling her ugly.

Adriana Fonseca:

She may be wearing lip gloss, but that doesn’t hide the fact that the actress is missing part of her lip.

That’s probably because lip gloss is designed to accentuate lips and doesn’t hide parts of them.

So instead of writing endless, confusing pieces about how “imperfect is the new perfection” alongside stories on “Did They or Didn’t They?” plastic surgery procedures, summer diet tips, or makeup tricks to make you look like Penelope Cruz, why can’t magazines just be a little more honest, you know? Like “This month we’ll let you know how to crash diet your way into Cameron Diaz’s bikini body! But, yo, don’t worry. Next month we’ll have an in-depth feature on how magazines lead to eating disorders and what eye shadow really brings out your collarbones.”

Even the Stars aren’t Picture Perfect [People en Español]