Ellen DeGeneres Shows Off Official Wedding Portrait, Proves All Married People Turn Into Snobs

Ellen DeGeneres, now that she’s all married and hifalutin, wrote a giddy missive to fans in a fancy, curly, Married People Font. Write Ellen, fancily:

I had a big, big weekend. I got married to Portia de Rossi! Sorry, John Stamos… this one’s taken.

You may notice something different about the way I’m writing … it’s fancy. This is the font I type in now that I’m MARRIED! I do a lot of things differently now… I say “I do” a lot. For example: Who wants to do pilates? I do. Would you like a Mountain Dew? I do. Do you know why I pulled you over? I do. And that was just this morning.

The wedding was everything we hoped it would be. I wish I could’ve invited all of you. But I have some pictures and video I can show you when Season 6 starts on September 8th. I can’t wait to see them too… it was all a blur. See you then.

Blissfully yours,

The just married Mrs. DeGeneres

This has, more than anything else (except, maybe, flipping through Martha Stewart Weddings and wondering if she could make a dulce de leche cake in the shape of Jose Marti) really made us want to get married, if only so we can make our single friends jealous and get a free waffle press.

Congratulations, Mrs. DeGeneres, you smug, happy lady!

Question: Do you think that there will ever be a high-publicity Latina lesbian wedding in the near future?

Just Married [Ellen’s Blog’