UPDATE Thursday 8:20am: Luciana gave birth to a baby girl, Gia Zavala Damon, last night.

Some nosy lady at the Memorial Regional Hospital in Broward, Florida has blabbed Matt Damon’s personal, private baby-birthing business to the Miami Herald and now we’re forced to share it with you. It appears Matt Damon’s wife Luciana was admitted there yesterday with the fruit of Matt’s loins springing forth from her womb.

A security guard was posted at the door and the atmosphere was tense, said Kimberley LaFauci, who was visiting a patient in a different wing.

‘At first I thought someone had stolen something because I heard a security guard talking into his radio, saying, `He’s wearing a backpack and a baseball cap. He’s coming through.’ But when I asked another guard what was going on, she told me not to worry.” It is unclear whether the man in question was The Bourne Identity star, 37.

The story goes on to say the couple met when Matt was in Miami in 2003 shooting Stuck on You and she was bartending at Crobar in Miami Beach. Seriously? This happens to people? Fuck, we’re in the wrong business. With the wrong face. And body. But other than that, where the hell is our movie star husband?

Matt Damon’s wife in labor [Miami Herald]
Matt Damon, wife welcome baby girl [Reuters]