We’ve long been queasy over a lot of the mainstream media’s attitude over women having the audacity to slither around in broad daylight without first slathering themselves in concealer and eyeliner and a vial containing the blood of an Eastern European preteen girl. But we’re not sure if we’ve seen this attitude portrayed with such mean-spirited glee as People en Español has in their “Face Off” article.

Basically, the entire article comes across as a whole load of mean to the face. And it stings. And has an unpleasant aftertaste.

Take, for example, their advice for new mom Nicole Kidman:

ARE YOU KIDDING KIDMAN? We know she was pregnant, but please put your sunglasses on and maybe some lipstick to spare us.

Yes, ladies. How dare you not think of the rest of us when you start your day? Selfish bunch of pasty-faced hag-trolls. Or how ‘bout model and TV presenter Rebecca de Alba:

MUTED OUT We can’t really say this beauty is unattractive… but, Rebeca de Alba, please… stay home if you’re not wearing any color.

Really? She should be shunned from society and public life because she’s looking a little pale? We seemed not to have gotten the memo, as our pale ass would still be locked up in our apartment right now, drawing on eyebrows and applying false lashes. Also, if you’re going to bash someone for looking like something other than a mannequin? Try to at least spell her name correctly. Anyway, while we’re at it, let’s throw in some ageism. We see you, Annie Hall:

GRANDMA KEATON Diane Keaton is having a senior moment here. She may be middle aged, but that doesn’t mean she has to look like the crypt keeper.

She let herself get old? Eww!

We get that magazines sell ads and that ads, often enough, sell makeup. But isn’t there a way to, you know. Grease the wheels of capitalism without throwing women face-first into the machinery?

Face Off [People En Español]