File this under “Best Story Since That Toilet Lady.” Victoria Osteen, wife of magniciently-coiffed pastor Joel Osteen, has been slapped with a lawsuit after getting into an altercation with a Continental Airlines flight attendant named Sharon Brown:

Brown accuses Victoria Osteen of assaulting her before the start of a 2005 flight from Houston to Vail, Colo. Brown alleges Victoria Osteen threw her against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the left breast during an angry outburst over a stain on her first-class seat. The Federal Aviation Administration fined Victoria Osteen $3,000 for interfering with a crew member.

Elbows to the teta hurt like hell! And are so expensive! That’s not what makes this lawsuit a little gift from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, though. Sharon Brown is suing Victoria Osteen for traumatic culo damage:

According to court documents, Brown claims that she suffers from anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident and said her faith was affected. She is also suing Osteen for medical expenses for counseling.

Loss of faith and a case of hemorrhoids. That is some dark voodoo shit right there. Hemorrhoids. Jesus Christ. This entire lawsuit is like an exploding vein on the otherwise smooth, supple ass of justice. Or somesuch.

Hemorrhoids.

Victoria Osteen, Joel Osteen’s Wife, Accused Of Assaulting A Flight Attendant [Huffington Post]