STFree STI Testing: For When Your Partner Believes Everything He Or She Reads
7 August 2008, 11:45 AM. By Daniel Mauser
Picture, if you will: You’re at a bar, wondering if you should hope the puddle of yellow by your barstool is your own, when you spy someone from across the room. He’s hot and funny, he says. You’re inebriated enough to accept this. The two of you decide to go home but, as you try to peel off your socks before you forget and look like some kind of stupid dork when naked, he asks, “Are. You. Clean?” You pause, taken aback by the question. Well, who knows?! Luckily, you have just the remedy for this potentially frustrating situation. A shoddily-prepared little card from Kinko’s, ostensibly certifying your cleanliness. Save! Such is the basic idea behind STFree Certifications “Safe Sex License” - a drivers’ license-sized card assuring one has been tested for STI’s:
The Safe Sex License (SSL) is the card that gives its users instant access to their STD testing information. This is how it works:
Member dials the toll free number on the back of the SSL
Member enters their Membership number located on the front of the card
Member enters their personal pin number
Members will then have four menu options:
Press 1 to hear detailed instructions on how to properly use of the SSL
Press 2 to hear about the HIV window period and other important STD information
Press 3 to hear members HIV and other STD testing history
Press 4 to change password
The SSL allows its users to instantly and confidentially:
Prove to another individual their STD testing history
Educate themselves and others on important up to date STD information
Educate themselves and others on proper use of this new form of prevention
Encourages other forms of STD prevention
The SSL has been proven to be very effective by respectfully encouraging healthy conversation about STD prevention, awareness and utilizing safe sex techniques.
This actually sounds like a good idea except… Well. In the heat of the moment, are people really going to spend several minutes gong through this process? Will they remember to even ask? Will they just hope for the best - or be too drunk to care? We think this makes sense for a couple embarking on a long-term relationship but for a quickie or one-night stand… we’re just not sure how realistic an option this is.
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That’s why you should always wear a condom!
Wow good call Denise!
What if people swaps cards? Like your friend with herpes takes your squeaky clean card and pin number? All of a sudden she’s infecting the city and you’re left with blue balls.
I think this is dumbass. Just another way for morons to give themselves a false sense of security. There is a window of time before HIV shows up, and no “card” or test history is going to prove that the trick you’re about to avail yourself of is “clean.”
Use Denise’s condom. Be monogamous with somebody you want to have around for a while, and keep using Denise’s condom for another six months. Then you’ll have more likelihood of security than a dumbass credit card.