Listen, sports suck. So the closest we got to the Olympics last night was reviewing the ups and downs of Lauren Conrad’s relationship with Brody Jenner whose dad happens to be a 1976 Olympic gold medalist. (Sidebar: Last summer we mentioned Bruce Jenner in a room full of adults and no one even knew who he was. Now do you see that we have our priorities straight?) Anyway, who could watch some fish-man flap around the pool for the hundredth time this week when MTV was serving us a four hour “The Hills” primer in preparation of the new season premiere on Monday? In case you were fool enough to have missed it, our recap of the recap is after the jump.

The evening began with “The Hills Top 10 Moments,” (#1 was the night Heidi tried to make peace with Lauren at a club and Lauren said, “You know why I’m mad at you. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.”) followed by “The Hills: Off The Record,” (Justin Bobby STILL swears he didn’t kiss that slut right in front of Audrina even though the entire cast and crew saw him.), and was capped off with “The Hills: Lauren Looks Back”—a two hour history of Lauren’s affinity for unavailable men. (Essentially, everyone she’s ever dated—including Brody—has shat on her. And this season, a new guy named Doug gets the chance to do the same. Meanwhile, she doesn’t seem to be having any sex so, like, what is the point of her life?) But probably our favorite event of the evening was watching the Season 3 finale where Spencer finally went over the deep end and turned into a psycho stalker, tracking Heidi down in Las Vegas on a business trip and interrupting a meeting with her bosses. In the video below, check the way he just says, “Shhhh…” when his sister tries to tell him he’s behaving like a felon. Crreeeeepeee.

You’ll be happy to know that Heidi did return to L.A. with him. They’re like Abercrombie & Fitch meets that drunk couple that throws bottles at each other outside our window every Saturday night. Also noteworthy, Lauren’s roommate and former bff Audrina is seriously considering moving out of the house to a downtown loft because she feels she can’t compete with Lauren’s high school best friend Lo. She even goes apartment hunting with Justin Bobby who is, we’re ashamed to say, so hot with short hair. Who will be together in season four? Who will be apart? If you watch the women’s 1500-meter preliminary round track meet, you’ll never know.