Because, you know, what else is Hispanic Heritage Month for if not to celebrate Latinos who sell things to other Latinos?, People en Español has compiled their list of the “15 Most Influential Latinos” and, surprise!, most of them are influential because they get you to buy shit. Let’s take a look at their list and, because we’re a vengeful spiteful mean girl who lives in a world where Perez Hilton is considered a “Top Hispanic,” figure out whether they’ve made any actual contributions to the Latino community:

America Ferrera
Profession: Actress
Why she’s here: She sells movie tickets, magazines and ad space on TV. She’s a highly visible Latina actress who, simply by existing in the industry, could pave the way for other Latinas in Hollywood. On a less cynical level, she chooses roles carefully and acts in movies that present Latinos as multi-dimensional characters, not foils or sidekicks for the Anglo lead - check Real Women Have Curves or Under The Same Moon as examples.

So, while we’ve got love for America, we would also be interested in learning about lesser-known Latinas breaking stereotypes in the entertainment industry. So we can make fun of them, too.

Ricky Martin
Profession: Singer, humanitarian
Why he’s here: “Livin’ La Vida Loca” and “She Bangs” are going to keep Ricky rich for a long-ass time, thanks to being super catchy and timed to come out at a time when the U.S. was suddenly becoming obsessed with the Latino artists who had been making music and movies all along.

The new papa gets our stamp of approval not for his music (because, yeah… sorry), but for his commitment to charity and helping disadvantaged children - particularly in oft-overlooked Latin American countries.

Shakira
Profession: Singer, humanitarian
Why she’s here: See above. She’s pretty much the female equivalent of Ricky Martin, especially since her music and image have gotten much, much more “pop” ever since she warbled and writhed her way onto the U.S. music charts.

Jorge Ramos
Profession: News anchor, journalist
Why he’s here: He’s one of the most-watched television personalities, like, ever. Even though he doesn’t get paid anywhere near the amount of his Anglo counterparts. Also, aside from being smart, eloquent and professional… He’s hot. And, no snark intended, that’s going to be a boost to a TV journalist.

We’re always super psyched to see Jorge Ramos get national attention in mainstream media outlets (like his episode of the “Colbert Report!”), but it also makes us cringe that the fact that, uh, a lot of Latinos watch the news / present news is, well. Newsworthy.

Carla Estrada
Profession: Producer of various telenovelas
Why she’s here: She’s a powerful, successful professional woman… Who happens to work in the entertainment industry. Its a bit of a Catch-22, lists like these. Because, while it’s important for the Latino community to celebrate the accomplishments of its members, it almost always seems to be the people who work in the entertainment industry that get the most coverage. Not that singers, actors, producers, comedians, etc. don’t deserve to be praised for their success, it’s that the reality of professional Latinos extends far beyond that one industry. We’re not just here to entertain you, America.

Perez Hilton
Profession: Blogger, clothing designer, TV personality
Why he’s here: Teen girls love him and the Latino media loves to hate him.

Enough, ok?

Juanes
Profession: Singer
Why he’s here: Man, enough from this one, too. Are there only like three Latino singers we have to keep recycling for our “best of” lists year after year? New blood, please.

Raul de Molina
Profession: TV personality
Why he’s here: He’s like the Latino Regis! The Latino Leno! The Hispanic ______!

He’s big (heh) because of his own accomplishments, not because he’s the “ethnic” equivalent of anyone else. And he’s funny, sometimes, for a total chauvinist pig.

Lillian Rodriguez Lopez
Profession: President of the Hispanic Federation
Why she’s here: So we can breath. Thank you, Lillian.

Paul Mateu
Profession: Head of William Morris’ talent agency’s Latin division
Why he’s here: The problem arises again - powerful, successful Latino. Who works in entertainment. Hard-working person, noble accomplishment… But not doing a lot for the overall image of Latinos.

Maria Lopez Alvarez
Profession: Producer, Vice President and Co-Director of news for Univisión
Why she’s here: See above.

Luis Balaguer
Profession: President and owner of Latin World Entertainment
Why he’s here: See above.

Santiago Blanco
Profession: Vice President for Coca-Cola’s North American division
Why he’s here: Because without him, what the fuck would we have for breakfast? It’s really cool to see a Latino featured so prominently in a global — yet iconic all-American — brand. We’re part of America too! Norman Rockwell should have left a space for us at the dinner table. But, again: Is this a case of using a Latino in order to snag more Latino consumers? A demonstration of support through consumerism? Eh, we’re thirsty.

Anna Escobedo Cabral
Profession: Treasurer of the United States
Why she’s here: Because we need her! Latinas need someone who isn’t Jennifer Lopez to dress up as on career day.

Manny Vidal
Profession: Creator of The Vidal Partnership, a Latino marketing and communications agency
Why he’s here: Sigh.

Also, not for nothing but… Since when have all Latinos been ostensibly White? Look, no one stands a chance of being an “influential” Latino if people don’t help in giving them a platform.

The 15 Most Influential Latinos [People En Español]