Person-who-wacks-balls-for-a-living, Alex Rodriguez, and his similarly employed ex, Cynthia, have finally reached a divorce agreement. Amicably. Which sucks for bloggers. Said Alex’s lawyer, boringly:

“Cynthia and Alex Rodriguez have amicably resolved their dissolution of marriage proceedings.”

It’s heartwarming how people can resolve their differences civilly after long, over-wrought bouts of revenge sex with celebrities. Let’s take a look at what sort of things they amicably fought over for months! Initially, Cynthia had asked for:

- The family’s $12 million estate in Coral Gables, Florida

- “Equitable distribution” of assets acquired during the marriage. Because you know she’s entitled to a chunk of the cash earned during all the training, playing and stuff-endorsing her husband did while they were married.

- Alimony and child support.

- The tender liver of a newborn babe.

- Life and health insurance.

- Enough money for private schools so that Cynthia and the couple’s two daughters can maintain the “high standard of living” to which they are accustomed. Because divorcing your spouse on the grounds that he cheated on you for long periods of time and “emotionally abandoned” you and your children sounds like a fairly high quality of life, yes.

Alex, for his part, responded with, “My name is awesome! And, also. No:”

Alex Rodriguez countered that he was only willing to give her what was required in their prenup and threatened to make her pay his legal fees if she challenged the agreement and lost.

Amicable! No word on who got what, other than some particularly fascinating rashes from famous people.

Yankee star Alex Rodriguez and Cynthia Rodriguez reach divorce settlement [NY Daily News]