An Appeal To Pop Starlets, Kat De Luna: Stop With The Melismatic WaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaaiiiiiiiiiliiiiiing When Singing The National Anthem

We pretty much have only two actual pet peeves in this world: 1) Selfish motherfuckers who lean their backs against subway poles in crowded cars, making it impossible to hold onto them for balance, so that we’re forced to “accidentally” punch you in the back of the head so that you will fucking move and 2) melismatic singing that attempts to pack roughly seventeen notes into the word “the.” Case in point? Kat de Luna butchering the national anthem last night.

The diminutive Dominicana has a strong set of lungs and can sing a simple pop song without making our ears vomit, but GAWD. Nowhere does the word “UghhhuUUUUUuuuugh” appear in the Star Spangled Banner. Adding syllables to a word while raising your hand up and down and closing your eyes don’t make you a better singer. It makes you a singer who appears to be in danger of biting through her tongue. Christina, Mariah? We’re looking at you. Whilst wearing earmuffs.