Deadly Banana Spider Terrorizes Kentucky Co-op

Killer spiders attack Kentucky! Whilst unpacking bananas at a co-op store in Kentucky, 25-year-old Kate Whitmore noticed something strange. A deadly banana spider! One of Brazil’s worst export, second only to extreme chocha waxing:

“I picked the bunch up, held it close to my face and thought, ‘What is that?’ It wasn’t a very nice spider.”

It’s nice when you actually say hello instead of screaming at it and calling it weird and fat and unworthy of love, rude Kate. The spider, which can grow up to 1.3 inches long, is named one of the most dangerous in the world — one bite causes pain, cold sweat and an irregular heartbeat and maybe possibly death. In fact, this spider was “not nice” enough to warrant closing down the store and calling in officials:

RSPCA officer Anthony Pulfer said: “It was very aggressive and trying to go for me when I was putting it in the box. It was really jumping around and trying to attack me.”

Ms Whitmore added: “We had customers coming in saying, ‘We’ll kill it for you, it’s only a spider’. We thought, ‘If you knew exactly what it was like you wouldn’t’.”

If they only knee what dark plans lurked within the mind of this terrible beast! Thoughts of jumping and hissing and appearing in a video that includes close-ups kind of making it look like an angry vagina. A video set to the Devil’s own music - Iron. Maiden:

Deadly spider in Co-op bananas [The Press Association]
What is a Banana Spider? [WiseGeek]