Designer Vaginas: Do You Need One? Does Anyone?

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage once compared the vagina to a canned ham that had fallen from a great height. You know what? He’s kind of right. Up close, many parts of the body aren’t exactly pretty, but does that mean we should snip, trim and shave off whatever offending bits aren’t perfectly close-up ready? Medical experts are getting worried about the rise in cosmetic vaginal surgery, and urogynaecologist Linda Cordozo recently spoke out during a medical conference.

Aggressive marketing from private clinics along with growing media interest, have seen an increasing number of women requesting vaginal cosmetic procedures. However, little medical and scientific evidence exists regarding their effectiveness or safety.

What’s wrong with our ladybits?! What are the different kinds of surgeries and do we really need a vagina-day spa? All after the jump, plus some NWS Photos:

First off, let’s have a handy reference diagram of the external parts of the vagina! (Because it’s really hard to crane your neck so you can see up your own skirt- trust us, we tried.)

The most popular surgeries are labioplasty (shortening or reshaping the labia minora), vaginal rejuvenation (making the vagina tighter) and hymenoplasty (artificially restoring the hymen). G-spot enhancement is also rising in popularity.

Professor Cardozo said the most established vaginal cosmetic procedure was reduction labioplasty which is requested by women either for aesthetic reasons or to alleviate physical discomfort. These include operations to make the external appearance more “attractive.”

Very graphic before & after labioplasty pics: Here and Here

Doctor’s websites advertising this surgery encourage you to “feel more feminine” by getting the surgery, and patients give such before & after testimony as;

“My labia show through my clothes.”
“I have so much more feeling now than I did prior to surgery.”
“Now I can wear what I like in the gym.”

What kind of women are getting these surgeries? Answer: all kinds. One article about labioplasty got two disturbing comments:

Anonymous said…
what are some of the long-term risks of labiaplasty, and how young can you be to had the surgery done?
PLEASE REPLY. thankyou
June 16, 2008 9:29 PM

Anonymous said…
hello whats the youngest age you can have labiaplasty sugery?
May 14, 2008 7:49 AM

Ahh they grow up quick these days. But insecure teens aren’t the only ones buying in to the “your pussy isn’t pretty enough” hype. Phit is a new vagina-oriented day spa in New York, targeted towards married or post-natal women. Phit spa offers both surgical and non-surgical services like labial plumping and kegels trainers, and describes itself as promoting “feminine fitness,” which is a nasty little mindfuck of a concept. Since when did we need to be doing aerobics with our chochas? Do we go up to men and say hey, your ball-sack is too wrinkly, please get that shit botoxed cause it’s really turning me off!?

What really makes us furious is the diagram Phit uses to explain their labioplasty surgery, where they show “normal” and “excessive” labia. Ok, if you can braid your labia into a friendship bracelet then sure, that’s probably a bit excessive. Otherwise, ladyparts come in all different shapes, and it is only the rare exception that should be deemed “excessive.” Have you been to a gym locker room recently? Have you ever watched any vintage porn? Half the women you see would be considered “excessive” by Phit’s diagram, but you don’t see them hobbling around moaning “oh god, my labia, I can barely function!”

On the flip side, isn’t there something to be said for doing our kegels? Doctor Cardozo explains:

The problem with the pelvic floor for women is that it is a “design fault” in the female body. Large mammals were designed to walk on four legs. Now that we walk on two, the pelvic floor has to bear the weight of our internal organs (the womb increases this in women).

Lots of people also suggest that strengthening your pelvic muscles can make sex better for you, so we are all for that. Phit recommends the kegelmaster:

This device is terrifyingly squid-like, and anyone brave enough to work it deserves major kudos. We’ll stick to surreptitiously doing kegels during the workday (HA! sorry guys… )

So guys, please don’t get a chocha-lift. Porn is great and all, but it’s not supposed to represent real life- unless of course you do get daily anal bleachings and typically answer the door wearing sequined thongs. Then, by all means, buy yourself a barbie-gina. Just don’t come crying to us in 2018 when fashions change to foot long panther-shaped labia.

Designer vagina trend ‘worrying’ [BBC]
Do you really need a ‘mommy makeover’? [Guardian]
“A uniquely feminine MedSpa destination” [Phit]
Labioplasty/Labiaplasty Info and Photos [Cosmeticsurg]