When Luis Miguel isn’t busy impregnating women or leaping about onstage looking like he’s trying to reign in a massive doodoo bubble, he’s buying watches and expensive face cream. An Argentine magazine, Gente, is offering never-before-known details about the singer’s life. Did you know, for example, that Luismi hires people to take pictures of attractive ladies in the front row of his concerts, so that he may pick which ones he’d like to entertain backstage? To play Scategories, of course:

In the issue of Gente, a story entitled 81 things you never new about Luis Miguel, reveals other details about the 38-year-old singer, including his obsessive use of expensive creams such as La Mer, and his vast collection of Rolex and Cartier watches. He allegedly buys Bvlgari jewels for his conquests, and likes to go to bed at 9 in the morning, and wake up at 5 in the afternoon.

Which brings us to the question: Why do we care? Especially now that the economy has gone to poop, why are people interested in reading about some self-absorbed moron who is bathing in the urine of endangered rhinos or whatever? Is it a means of escapism? Is the obsession somehow aspirational - a means of garnering hope that we, too, will someday have sex backstage with pretty, confused ladypeople? An excuse for writing blog posts riddled with references to bodily functions? It’s a mystery to us; it really is.

An Argentinian magazine reveals secrets about Luis Miguel [People en Español]