Onion Aptly Captures House Financial Services $700 Billion Bailout Bill
29 September 2008, 9:00 AM. By Guanabee Staff
Sometimes life is so ridiculous that only a comedy paper can do the story justice as was the case this morning with the news that the House Financial Services Committe has posted online their bill for a $700 billion bailout of some very rich people with some very irresponsible business practices. The highly unusual act of posting an entire bill online shows just how suspiciously the American people are regarding being asked to save the rich while many are struggling to maintain in an economy wrought with a mortgage crisis, fuel crisis and unemployment. In a story published today entitled, “Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence,” satire paper The Onion, without saying so, likens the situation to a wealthy teen narrowly escaping the consequences of a drunk driving accident thanks to his quick acting and well-connected parents.
In what local authorities are calling a “near tragedy,” Charles Wentworth, a 17-year-old Rutgers Preparatory senior and member of the affluent Wentworth family, came perilously close to suffering a consequence resulting from his own wrongdoing Saturday.
The story goes on to describe a collision the fictitious Wentworth caused with a family in a mini-van. While Wentworth gets off, the family “remain in intensive care at St. Peter’s University Hospital, suffering from conditions ranging from poor to lower-class.”
As for the real life bullshit, the House is expected to vote today on the bailout bill with the Senate possibly voting on Wednesday. If the measure passes, all of the transactions related to it will be posted on the Internet within 48 hours. This, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tells us, marks change.
Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence [The Onion]
Bailout Plan in Hand, House Braces for Tough Vote [NY Times]
Bailout Bill Posted To financialservices.house.gov [Times of the Internet]
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Do you think they can include all of my student loans in that bail out?
Congressmen(women)/Senators,
Please add an earmark to the $700B to fund my multiple homes & luxury vehicles (it’ll be a mere $100M).
k.thx.bai
marimari
@marimari: Haha I was just joking with friends this weekend that we should slip in an earmark so we can get our cars and homes paid off. Really it would be chump change in comparison to the 700billion.
Goodness, I hear you about the student loans, Denise! How awesome would that be? I really wish that was a possibility! Haha. :)
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